Too husband, sigh…

My depression continues… On one hand, I am glad that the house is sold and there is money in the account. Not mine of course, but my parents. But anyway, one less trouble for me and now I can be as impulsive as I want and pack a bag and go on an exhibition if I wanted. Something I have always wanted to do.

Back to the point. We had a farewell party on Saturday to wish our friend Elaine a more prosperous life in Hong Kong. There were many people and my good friend Connie + Miss E were also there as well. I am a bit mixed about the evening because I felt I am so far away from everyone.

Thanks to Elaine and Connie, I managed to have a few words here and there with Miss E. It was very pleasant and I do feel that spending time with her (on a 1-to-1 level) would be quite enjoyable. However, my gut feeling is that I am not the right type for her. I enjoy a quiet life and a walk in the park is something I like doing, I like to eat good food and watch musicals when I can and I don’t think she likes that kind of life. On top of that, I am 3 years older in human years but with me thinking like an old man all the time… errr…

I am trying to understand why I am saying this. Am I playing it down so my fragile heart won’t be broken easily this time, or do I actually mean it? Don’t get me wrong, I would love to find out and I pray that all my negative thoughts are nothing but pure paranoia.

On the way back to London on Sunday, I had the pleasure to travel with Elaine. We talked a lot and I learnt what my potential flaws are when it comes to relationship. I am very grateful to have that cobversation with her before my potential date with Miss E (if and when it comes). I am confident that I am a good husband and a good father but I just don’t have enough experience on the dating side to impress someone enough to get to that point.

I said to her I can only be picked because I am not a hunky guy who attracts girls. But I am not going to let that drags me down. New approach here!!! ‘First date is the last date’ – let’s enjoy the evening and make it a special night for Miss E. If she is happy, I am happy so it is a classic ‘Win Win’ situation here for us.

I can sense that I will have to make a big decision around December. Will I be lucky and head off to Canada, or will I be able to end my search because I found the love of my life? Only time will tell…