7 days of fumes

I guess I either come across as a man in constant rage, or right on the edge of rage on my blog here. It is true that despite I am a very positive person in real life, there is another of me that I prefer not to be put on display. The blog is the best way to let it all out and express what I am not happy about so I can return to my positive self during day time.

Why 7 days of fumes? Because I had to work over the weekend.

On Saturday, Sifu and I turned up at Ipswich with hopes that the platform is ready for a major test this coming week. Even before our arrival, we knew that was only a distance dream because our expert IP filter guy is not such an IP filter expert afterall. We took one look at the filter and all of a sudden, the room was full of swearing, from both of us. We had half the platform components not on the filter list, phantom IP addresses, overly large subnet and worse of all the management filters were completely wrong… sigh… what a big job for us…

Monday

After 3 days of hard work (averaging 11 hours per day) we are slowly getting there. The core routers are working fine now but the worst is still to come. Anyway, I am confident about solving this because I am getting pretty good at this – in just 2.5 days. I have built a new set of rules (200+) to resolve the issues in the core and also another 150 plus for the core edges.

One thing came into my mind now. These people called themselves IP experts but they don’t know anything about IP. I can see they put all the rules on the core connections when in fact we should have global filters on the core connections and different filter rules for each device on their own port. It is a very time consuming job to do it my way, but that is the correct way to do. When we market ourselves as a leading technology company, we should do it properly. Will it ever happen, I doubt it. The filter design methodology is wrong and also the overall platform design is wrong as well as we have plenty of IP ranges which lie right in the middle of a subnet. They really didn’t think it through…

My phobia of self-eating…

For the past 3 nights, I found myself walking away from restaurants that are full of people / couples. Eating alone is getting really difficult now, I am already sick of this. People always think eat company, sleep company is good but after living in hotels after hotels it is not fun at all, believe me. I work my arse off for the company and what do I get? Nothing at all, not even a pat on the back. I am legging it for sure, just not sure whether I should wait for an offer before resigning.

And why single people have to sit at the darkest corner in the restaurant? I demand the same level of service as any couples, despite there is only me and no one else.


Ongoing depressing, hopefully seasonal…

I am trying to get a feel of what Miss E is thinking and I don’t know whether I should ask again or forget about the dinner. I messaged her a few times, called once but I am not getting any signs at all. Should I push more? But why make myself come across as needy when I don’t need to be? Connie and Elaine both said I can’t come across as a nice guy. I feel a bit de-valued at the moment.


Personal Ad space…

My good friend ‘NK’ said I should post my personal ad on my blog. Why bother? No one reads it anyway. He said, ‘why not?’ and so here is.

25 year old guy. Single and have been for the past 3+ years. Enjoy evenings out to try new restaurants. Love travelling, photography and cooking. Looking for someone of similar age who enjoys backpacking, appreciate a quiet life and a stroll along the river Thames after dinner.


Great expectations…

Why do we always EXPECT? Expectation leads to disappointments. No expectation then no disappointments. Then why do we still EXPECT?

I really want to leave UK. I am struggling to find a reason to stay but one – Miss E. Not that there is a chance for me but a confirmation would be nice. When it is work, I will stand up and face anything. When it is emotion, I rather run and hide as I can’t handle another disappointment.

My head is full of IP addresses and call flows… this is a really shite job.


Tuesday, wrote by the Wednesday me.

Yesterday was a good day, made a lot or progress and I felt I am finally getting a feel for the filters. I can’t really remember what I did for most of yesterday, that says how mentally tired I am. I don’t remember what I did for work, but I did remember my dinner at Loch Fyne. My experience this time was an improvement as the manager remembered this was my third visit and most importantly the oysters were not covered (exaggeration) in shells. The chef who prepared the oyster dish yesterday was more experience because I saw him working on the dish, a different guy.

Finally got a text back from Miss E… It is strange that such little things can make someone day. I always try to make someone’s day but it normally involves something more special and ‘out there’. But for myself… little things matter and that says it all about me.

I don’t wish for someone to think of me everyday, I just hope she will think about me from time to time, whoever she is.


Wednesday

A change of approach today. Firstly, I threatened to resign. Secondly, I had dinner at McDonald. Thirdly, I got a very good ‘Not Interested’.

Having averaged at least 10 hours a day since Saturday I am totally drained. I can see the tiredness on my face and also Sifu’s. Sifu is a workaholic. I don’t wish I would ever become someone like him because despite having two kids, he still works more hours than me. He is technically superior than most people in the team but he is not so good with people. I am no arse kisser but I do know how to get everybody to be on my side using my superior communication skill.

He had a go at me and hinted that I am not committed enough for this project. Whatever happens I am not going to commit my life for this job because it is not worth my time. I am putting in 11 hours of WORK per day, not web browsing I stressed. Don’t throw commitment at me because I would have given my life if those above me appreciate my effort. I am no punching bag, fire me, I dare you.

Why McDonald? I got this bloody headache and I rather go back to hotel and sleep than wasting good food down the drain. Surprisingly, McDonald’s serving speed was very slow. I had to wait by the drive thru for 10 mins and even when I got the food, the drinks were missing. A sign to come…

Drinks or no drink didn’t matter because when I got to my room the bag ripped and the coke were all absorbed by the nice hotel carpet… Anyway, after a short period of throwing up, I managed to eat a burger and let the paracetamol to take care of me.

Had a quick chat with Miss E and the signs couldn’t be clearer – Not interested. It would be very down heartening if it was a maybe. But I don’t need a clearer sign and my head is very clear now. There is only one thing in my head right now and that is to move somewhere else and find ‘the one’, hopefully in Canada. No disrespect to my friends in the UK. There isn’t a single reason worth me staying here, nothing at all.

A very funny reminder on the 10 o’clock news. The name Johanna came up on screen on one of the reports and it served a timely reminder (SIGNS) to me. 6 years to the first time I met Johanna and now I still think about that hour we had together, chatting about our lives and dreams. 6 years from the first time I realised how love feels like, 6 years to go from ‘I want to love someone’, to having a girlfriend and then back to the starting point once again. I really can’t believe how madly / strongly my feeling was to her. I still think about her, I would give up anything just to see her again because I want to know if it was love at first sight, or a crush; is there a part of me still hoping I will end up with her, no matter how ridiculous and impossible it may be.

God had been kind to me, giving me chances to experience romance on the train, at Salzburg when I was alone at a foreign land with Shin-Young, my 1 year relationship with Elaine – my ex. I have enough good memories of what love is and I don’t need to chase anymore. Going to put my emotions into standby mode, can’t handle it still. Cold standby or warm standby? How about a SwAct? That’s a give away on my job and who I am.

I always wanted to travel around and see everything there is to be seen. From the moment I didn’t take a photo of Johanna I knew I couldn’t afford to do that ever again. 2 years ago, if you ask me photography or a wife, I would say photography. The same question yesterday would yield ‘wife’. Today, it is back to photography.

What would you do if God grants you a 10 seconds wish? I would go to somewhere near the arctic, find somewhere open and sit down, enjoy the moon and the arctic lights, hopefully with someone. Everything is the icing on the cake.


Thursday + Friday

If ever you have the chance to visit Ipswich, I do recommend Loch Fyne. I have been there 4 times and it is getting better every time. The oysters are ok but you have got to try the mussels and the Pan-fried Cornish Squid. As I will return to Ipswich again next week, I will continue to go there and enjoy a nice dinner after a long day at work.

Still fuming? Of course I am!! After sever 12 hours day I am exhausted. To top it off I ran into 2 major road works on the way home yesterday and it was no fun.

Anyway, a new beginning next week and I am sure the customer will give us more ‘punching’. But… don’t really care much now. Just hoping I can go to Canada and start new.

Already looking forward to our group gathering next weekend and I am sure it will be a great laugh.