Susanna

Wednesday 28th –March

It seems like months since I last wrote a blog. My life had been quite hectic since my return from Cuba. I have been travelling, looking for a new place to live and visiting friends and my sister.

Anything going on? Umm…. Well… Miss E called and apologise. Not quite actually. It was me who initiated the conversation by text and then she called and apologise for making me mad. Therefore it wasn’t the case that she wants to apologise. I felt nothing at all to be frank because it didn’t feel sincere at all. It was more like sorry for the sake of sorry and not really trying to understand why I was disappointed in her actions. Expectation is often too much but a normal person would ask why, what has he/she done wrong, but not her. Connie said she only cares about herself and despite hoping that it isn’t the case it is tough to argue. As I said before, not going is fine, but tell me early so I can go.

She offered to make it up to me by buying me a meal. (Cough cough)…. Can I say I can’t see it happening? The chance of the moon failing out of the sky is a lot higher than she buying me a meal. Why am I so negative about it? Simple, there is something call ‘statistics’ and by counting the number of times she said something but didn’t even put in the effort it is a straight forward fact. I am not going to make time for anything. I have a new place I need to decorate!!!

Am I holding a grudge against her? YES. I am not going to be messed about. Nobody can!!! My attitude is always the same, ‘If you want to play, let’s play. You have no idea how nasty I can be.’ I don’t really care about her anymore. This is a joke and we both had a laugh, that’s it, final, period.

There is a little bright spot in my life. To put her as the title of a blog shows how much she means to me, even I have yet to meet her. So far, the comment I have is ‘FATE’. My friend Sancho used my Christian name to book the Cuba trip but the name is not on my passport. So I had to call the travel agent to change it and… it was Susanna who answered the call. We had a brief chat, then I got her e-mail address (that was before the trip) she was very nice on the phone.

After returning from Cuba and the whole Crufts Fiasco I decided to get in touch and just to say thanks to her and hopefully get some sort of conversation going. We started exchanging e-mails (they are long e-mails) about our lives, hobbies and just general stuff. I found out that she works 7 days most of the time, she has quite a few dogs and where she lives, etc etc.

I have to commend on her work ethics because working 11 hours a day, 7 days a week is tough and that makes me like her even more. On top of that, she genuinely loves dogs and not someone who just goes out and buys a puppy because it is cute. In terms of character, she is great. In our e-mails, we talk about other things too. She seems to care about me as a friend and I sincerely hope she and I will meet up soon. Unfortunately can’t do it before her birthday as it is the 2nd of April.

I often found myself attracted to the character of an individual. Yes. As a human being I am also shallow and into appearance but I am not looking for a stunning beauty, as long as she is comfortable to look at, and more importantly when I look at her, I feel that’s all I want to look at for the rest of my life that’s enough for me.

Fingers crossed she doesn’t have a boyfriend and is half as good as I think her is.

Crufts and me

This blog has to jump the queue for sure. Let’s roll back a few days to last Friday. I asked Miss E whether she was going to Crufts on Saturday. She said she was cooking and will call me back. OK, fine… tick tick tick… 2 hours later, nothing. I called, left a message and then went to bed. Saturday morning, nothing still. I went back to the office, collected my R and basically on standby until the last moment I had to leave. 10 o’clock, couldn’t wait much longer. Jumped into my car and blasted to Birmingham. On the way, she called with a very different tone to the night before… ‘Sorry I missed your message, not feeling well, blar blar blar’.

I am not doubting whether she was ill or not. In fact it doesn’t matter because I have already left for Birmingham. What I am not happy about was the fact that I wasn’t informed about it. I need to drive into London if she goes and if she was up front about it, at least I can tell her take a rest and if she didn’t feel any better I will go. Too many maybes and sometimes and sorry to say, after 5 months, enough is enough. I know women want to be chase, want to be spoiled but this is a joke now.

Let’s talk about something more positive. I arrived at NEC, with my heavy EOS3 + 70-200 L IS + Speedlite 550EX I was ready to shoot. First impression, how big is it? Then followed by so many people and so many dogs… It was great fun, really great despite being alone. I had opportunities to stroke difference breeds, spoke to their owners, asked them for advices and shoot. Over the 2 days I was really happy that I was there, a Bichon Frise licked my nose and it felt kinda weird. Dogs are amazing, they sensed my sadness and most of them came to cheer me up. The owners were amazing too, answered any questions people asked and once I point my camera they were so proud that someone wanted to take photos of their pride and joy that they did whatever they could to help.

I shot 4 colours and 2 black and whites in 2 days, that’s what I call production. I have to admit probably half of them will be shite as I seriously don’t like using flash and in general head on flash but I have no choice. I prefer bounce flash but no money to get an angle diffuser. I hope there will be 1 or 2 that are good, but the experience over the 2 days, put all person issues aside, was great.

I did do something very un-gentleman like on Sunday. Miss E called and asked me whether I have time to join for a group dinner. Of course, that my ‘family’ group… I said I am going to be busy in the foreseeable future and don’t know when I will be free. Which is true because I have to find a place to move before the first week of April. Anyway, I remember towards the end, I said, ‘I don’t want to promise you I will come and then not showing up again’. She paused…

I stress that I didn’t say it to take a swipe at her. But she took it that way and complained to Connie. I don’t know, part of me feel bad for this but more part of me actually felt pretty good. She has done it plenty of times and why can’t I? Am I becoming a true arse worthy person? Who knows, maybe that’s the way to be attractive, what a joke.

Today, spoke to a very well respected Dai Lo about this. She said ‘she said yes to go doesn’t mean she wants to go’. I understand girls can be irrational, but irrational and utter disrespectful is different, at least they spell different. If she and most Asian women want me to not to take them seriously then fine, not gonna argue. I just go on and shoot photos and ‘in search of an oasis’.

Cuba trip

28th Feb –Just a brief summary

Before I start rambling about my first day of travel let me just briefly mention what had happened in the past 2 weeks. I was in Ipswich as usual and did myself proud by dragging the project towards the finishing line – all by myself with minimal help.

Anyway, holiday had to start and I returned the project to it rightful owner – Sifu. It was nice not needing to check work e-mails, answer any questions, and attend these crazy 5 o’clock conference calls organised by people who works at home.

Love life? I really don’t know. I sent Miss E a text saying how cruel she is to travel back home on the 14th and not even give me a chance to send her some flowers. Her reply was very ‘Come and get me’. Did she mean it? Have to wait and see.

Car-wise? The R is just great. Perfect to drive but harsh on bumpy roads. What do you expect? It is a performance car and so it should be.

Back to reality – Cuba

I left home at 6:45 and drive through wind and rain to arrive promptly at Gatwick at 8:45. Just a little under 4 hours before the departure time. I was overwhelmed with excitements and didn’t really care about the time I have to stand inside the terminal.

The flight was alright, I hate small planes though. They are uncomfortable and too shaky, something that unsettles me quite a bit. Finally arrived at Holguin airport after 10+ hours and I began to run out of petrol. The custom was surprisingly tight because what could I possibly bring to Cuba that could harm this country? How many years have you lived in UK? What do you do? What are you good at? (I think she meant job) I was tempted to joke and reply SEX, but I guess it was not wise to make such a comment. In fact, it had been such a long time that I felt my manhood will soon become an optional extra like what’s on a car’s option list. I am not too bothered about it. I guess waking up with someone I love is a billion times better than waking up with someone who needs to associate my face with a number.

Guardalavaca is the first stop. Brises hotel is the place to stay. I saw absolutely nothing on the way as it was pitch black. However, the air and everything else reminds me of Malaysia, where Miss E came from. Is it a sign? I guess I secretly fancy her a lot more than I am willing to admit to myself, I am an idiot…

Someone must have attached a fake star to the ranking as this is no way this hotel worth 4 stars. Things are old, smells old which sums up perfectly by a discoloured toilet seat. The food was strangely neither here of there. Chicken dishes taste like Chinese but not proper Chinese. Veggie soup tastes like Veggie soup with a strong hint of meat, etc. I could go on for days. The fact is that this is Cuba, so that’s how it should be, we are taking our daily luxury too much for granted.

Very tired now, let me go to sleep and dream about Miss E, Night…
Thursday – 1st March

March arrived rather quickly, I have to admit. I was expecting by this time of the year I would have done either one of these things – Got rejected by someone or moved home. Neither has yet to happen but I know one thing for sure. I am moving ASAP as Burghfield is one of the worst places to live. Poor infrastructure. Middle of nowhere, a bit like where I am now.

What have I done today? Let’s start from the beginning. I woke up at 5:30 Cuba time. Then unleashed my camera equipments and head to the beach. Despite it being very tropical looking I struggled to find much that will capture my imagination. Anyone can shoot palm trees and sand so there is no need for me to shoot those. What I shot today were photos of crabs + a very beautiful girl. With a 70-200 L IS at my disposal there was no need for me to get close and asked for permission. I just went paparazzi mode. If there is another chance, I would like to ask her to pose for me as the 3 I took weren’t under perfect setup.

I then stopped all photography activities and went for a swim. However, it wasn’t that enjoyable as the depth was shallow and inconsistent. I was 100m offshore and could still stand up comfortably at certain areas. I decided to do a bit of sun bathing and re-think my strategy. The next time I returned to the sea was in a canoe with Sancho. We did pretty well out there and spent about 45 mins paddling around to locate some areas of interests. I then snorkelled for about 2 hours in total in the afternoon checking out sea life, swam with fish and saw a variety of sea urchin (ouch) and underwater life. Then some more canoeing before calling it a day.

Absolutely shattered in the evening. Sun burnt kicked in and the pretty poor Italian meal wasn’t good enough to keep me awake either.

Overall the second day was a blast. It is so nice to be away from the UK, away from all the troubles at work and people and just enjoy the sun, sea, sand and peace.


Friday 22nd March

We have surely used up our sun exposure quota yesterday. The skin on my body (especially my legs) is so tight that I felt like I was a medium guy wearing a small size skin. I found it difficult to even walk. So, today’s plan needs to be altered. Instead of swimming and other water activities I am at the time writing, sitting on a deck chair, under a tree with an open view of the very clear water and just relax. Sleep when I want to and enjoying some clean air which doesn’t exist in the UK.

Very typical of a guy thing – any nice girls? There are quite a few. The American girl yesterday was very nice. I actually waited for her to come to the beach for her seashells but this morning still didn’t turn up. So, anyway, I am here to relax, would be nice to meet someone but not essential. Almost lunch time, need to get some food.

Let’s be very cynical after a hotdog. I am seeing a lot of whoppers lying flat on the chair waiting to be roasted. There is a handful of the female laid here that warrant the expression of ‘Oh my dear God, she is gorgeous’. However, even when I run into one, what I would do is just like every man out there. Which is aim, lock, turn my head and fell down / hit a post. At no time did I feel like ‘Let’s go to her and ask her name. I haven’t got the ‘urge’ factor to do such thing and I guess most importantly I have, or should I say, my heart has already made a choice. I am not certain what choice it is now but I will know very very soon.

Having spent most of the day sitting in shade to nurse my injuries, the second day was kinda wasted. However, Sancho and I did have a game of giant chess at the villa. The titanic battle lasted 2 hours and ended in a draw. Although technically I won because I have an extra bishop over his pawn. Anyway, I am just glad that my method won. I admit I am a very crap player, but it is not easy to beat me. I don’t follow the traditional playing method. To put it in a sinister way, my strategy is best described as the Al Qaeda method.

One final evening meal here was spent at their seafood restaurant. It was ok, much better than the night before.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Saturday 3rd March

It is time to say goodbye to Guardalavaca and hello to Havana – The capital city of Cuba. Before we go though, we need to find out when our coach is leaving. At no point did we received any info about the transfer and I have to call the rep to find out. Luckily, I did because my guesstimate of 2pm was slightly out by the factor of 1 hour.

After more travel excursions I was looking forward to staying at a nicer hotel based on the assumption that it is Havana and not in the middle of nowhere. However, all me hopes was dashed the moment the room (Bungalow) door opened. Mosquitoes, accompanied this weird ‘dead water’ smell in the room. On top of that the fridge was broken and the shower was beyond repair it was tough to even wash the millipede down the drain. Water leak from upstairs, etc.. endless. Anyway, this is Cuba and the 4 stars ranking here means it is a 4 starts in Cuba and nowhere else. Just like the fact that they have pesos and convertible pesos. So my recommendation for any stingy people from the developed country is that you always do a minus 1.5 stars to any ranking you see here. why 0.5 star? Because you need to expect some age to the hotel.

It is a shame that we didn’t visit Varadero because I heard it is the best resort in Cuba.

I am not so much whining here but stating what I see. It is an experience and a good one because we take everything for granted. Like me, I don’t earn grad banker money but I have the luxury of 2 cars (now 1, see later blog) for work and fun. I go to nice places to eat and I have a comfy bed to sleep at night. These are not items that are readily available here/ Life is about experiences and this is a good one at this stage when my ego is getting excessively large.

Dinner? Some sort of Cuban cuisine according to the rep. It was ok, quite good actually but let down but the poor service.

Sunday – 4th March

The sun burnt is getting a bit better partly because I have been shading myself and I took some anti-inflammatory. My legs are swollen still and I am not very mobile at the moment. Fingers crossed they will be alright by Tuesday night as I have to fly back and drive afterwards.

I am looking forward to go back home. It is relaxing here and the purpose of a holiday is to relax. But being a workaholic I would like to go to bed and know that I have achieve something. Especially when I have paid the money. Coming over here is not cheap and apart from day 1, I don’t think I have done much.

Tomorrow I am going to this tour which hopefully will allow me to shoot good photos and make my money worth. The dilemma I have right now is whether I should take the 70-200 L IS because the build quality of the Tamron 28-75 is not quite there and I have a fragment inside the lens which will be tough for me to clean. I don’t want to ruin my 1 and only chance to shoot. Even more painful is that I will have to replace it, which is not cheap.

Summary

There is more to the trip, but I am not going to type them up because I am very tired – mentally and emotionally with the incidences since I returned to the UK. I might leave soon, I said this plenty of time before but somehow I can’t find a reason to stay no more.

Heart to heart to whom

This is actually an old blog which I missed. I promise I will try to catch up and put the Cuba trip and my new found anger on ASAP.

12th Feb 07

2 days before the most dreaded day of the year – Valentine’s day……. Painful… Simply because I am still single??? Having spent 25 Valentine’s days by myself it doesn’t really matter that much. To be frank, out of those 25, this is only the 6th of which I actually felt the desperation not to be alone. Either way, I know I will be by myself because I am away at Ipswich again this week. On the flip side, I can at least go for a swim, eat in my hotel room and don’t have to cook for myself in my bloody shed.

Buying the R isn’t one of the smartest things I have done in my life but as I said to my friends, ‘I need some colours in my life, my life is dull and the R makes me happy’. Driving it put a smile of my face, but also plenty of sweats as I am scared to damage the suspension, any bodywork, or the wheels. Might as well not drive it, what an idiot I am.

On Sunday, went to watch Arsenal at the Emirates. It was cool!!! I am not an Arsenal fan and I support the underdogs, in this case – Wigan. The stadium is very impressive and I would love to go again in the future. It is funny that if 1 row of people stand up, everyone else does, creating this vertical Mexican wave – I call it.

Originally, I asked Miss E to go. In fact, she said yes to it, just like other occasions and then backed out. This time, I didn’t give her a chance to back out, I asked her not to come. I asked her not to come based on the reason that she has to travel in a couple days and it was going to be cold and wet. What an irony that there wasn’t a single drop of rain for the entire evening. Until I was on my way back home from London. It was freezing, but it didn’t matter to me.

I am glad that I took my friend to the game because at least he knows football and appreciates the occasion. She said she wants to go… I am looking forward to my holiday so I might be able to meet someone special.

The reason for that is I believe in fate. Yes, I see many signs that tell me she is that person. But yet I am seeing even more warnings as the timing is completely out of sync. Just how many times I can take a person saying ‘maybe’, ‘not sure’, ‘sometimes’? Even if it is the nature of every single female out there I am refusing to be a typical man and accept it. If you don’t believe me, ask my mum. I don’t take shit from anyone. I am not a standby, if you don’t appreciate it, someone will. If it is a test of my patience then I am going to fail for sure. I understand relationship doesn’t fall on my lap. But, and big but it is, that there is only a limited number of ways to say I am not interested ‘F-off’.