Love is a great medicine for the mentally ill
Before I start with the love bit, let’s talk about my new toy – Honda Civic Type R and what a car it is. I picked up the car on Saturday and then drove it for 300 miles. The performance is amazing and the steering is very solid. What I like the most is that it is a very civilised car and I can take it around town, sit in traffic jams without any problems. But when I want to push it, it goes, really goes quickly…
Back to the main point of this topic. Our group went for lunch yesterday and Miss E was there. I was already on my toes when I heard the news because I do seriously like her and it was nice to see her again. I knew how stunning she is but I didn’t expect her to be so ‘drop dead gorgeous’ yesterday. She had a little swipe at my bum with her handbag and when I turned my head I had a moment of Janice (from Friends) – ‘OH MY GOD’. ‘Oh My Dear God’ it was, followed by a moment of Chandler ‘Can she BE prettier?’. My heart, nope, my whole existence on the face of this planet was melted before me.
What is so great about her? I have already covered how stunning she was/is but that’s not what I am attracted to at all. I really like her personality, she always smile and that is a great quality to have. Every time she smiles, I get the feeling of ‘What would I give to see that everyday, it will make my day, it will make my life’. I love ‘Moments’, that’s why I love photography, to capture that 1 moment in life that changes someone.
I couldn’t sleep last night as the moments kept repeating beneath my eyelids. My prayer to god was ‘I am a nice person, please give me half a chance’. Can someone have ‘half a chance’? A full chance would mean she is also interested, half a chance is she wouldn’t mind getting to know me.
If love is that edge of the seat feeling, the point that is neither a yes, or a no, unexplainable emotion eruptions then I am one sided-ly in love. A good friend once said to me ‘good guys finish last’. I don’t disagree with that at all, but I do hope that I will a chance to make her happy for a long long time. Just a hope, a remote hope, but no hope equals nothing worth living for but her smile does worth a life of devotion.
BE A MAN PLEASE… (I am telling myself)
Resignation, I love it
I haven’t resigned yet but it is imminent – this week for sure. Why? Because I hate my job running into my weekends and I know I can earn more. This year, I spent at least 4 months in Newcastle plus 2 months at Ipswich. Okay, I admit that I ate well during this time but I have been putting on weights because I always eat out of hours and it is not healthy at all, not for a job that treats everyone like a piece of meat. Which jobs aren’t?
I am pushing myself hard because I need to make the most when I can. I know many friends who make 100,000 a year including big bonuses. I happened to be less lucky compared to them but have to do the maximum for myself. Life is not easy, need to SUCK IT UP.
The most interesting thing is that everyone in the X team wants me to stay, I love the guys, they are great. But my boss’s best offer was to swap me out of the team. Not even some incentives. Not that he can offer me anything good but at least soften the blow would be nice. Now I know I don’t worth anything to the company, just a number.
My other friends said they didn’t expect me to make the jump and resign without a job offer. But how can I wait as this 3 months notice is killing me? If I resign now I can still meet the next financial year at April. Also, there is a big difference between us as I am not attached to anything. Need to move whilst I still can.
Signs and more signs, what’s going on here?
The signs started last week when I was in Ipswich. Spoke to a friend who works for X telecom and he said his daughter is working for a big name company that Miss E also works for. Then there was incidents that pushed me over the edge to resign which somehow make my last day to be around the week of Crufts (Miss E said she wants to go, after my introduction of course), walking along the dark alley near the Metro Centre for 2 miles, Xmas shopping… everything about making choices. Some choices were right, some were dead lucky, but all about choices.
I went back to the sushi bar tonight, she wasn’t there to begin with, I was disappointed, then she came out from the kitchen, a relieve it was. I know I won’t be able to hold onto Miss E but I can probably hold onto Miss S (don’t know her name still). No chance with either because although Miss S got my contacts she didn’t contact me, Miss E’s friends already said “offline” that she is not interested… I would be lucky to have either one, honestly. By resigning I won’t be able to come to Newcastle on business to see Miss S, but will I get a job up here?
My priority is still the same, they are factors but not THE factor. I can’t stop thinking about what the mystic man said to me, ‘End of 2006, beginning of 2007. The one you meet will be THE ONE’. I will probably see Miss E at a party on the turn of the year, is it THAT sign?
